Occasionally, CadetStuff goes over the top. How far over the top?  WAY over the top. Listed below is an item we offered for sale when we opened the CadetStuff store in February 2002.  Well, we really didn't offer it for sale, since it says its not available until Apri 1 2002 and you couldn't really click on the "Add to Cart" link. It was a joke, a gag, a dodge, a hustle, a tongue-in-cheek goof on one of our CadetStuff readers & contributors, Maj Kirt Bowden from DC Wing.

Unfortunately, some folks missed the joke.  The clue bus stopped and picked up most of our readership, but left a few poor souls behind. With them in mind, we've moved the joke to its own page, and offer up the folowing:

*WARNING* *WARNING*
THE ITEM YOU WILL READ BELOW IS A JOKE. NOTHING MORE THAN A JOKE. FOR THE HUMOR IMPAIRED, IT IS MEANT TO BE FUNNY. SILLY. STUPID. GOOFY. STRANGE. ODD. OFF-THE-WALL. NOTICE THAT THE DELIVERY DATE IS 1 APRIL 2002. APRIL FOOLS DAY.
HELLO! McFLY!
*WARNING* *WARNING*

Ultimate Kirt 12" action figure

This is IT kids! The action figure you've been waiting for: Ultimate Kirt! And when CadetStuff says action, CadetStuff means ACTION!

Check out these great features:

- Fully articulated
- Life-like character headsculpt
- Authentic snivel gear
- Flexible, poseable
- Adjustable army values

Plus, Ultimate Kirt comes with these great accessories:

- Woodland BDU uniform w/ 29th ID patch
- Complete LBE (Including custom London Bridge gear!)
- CFP-90 field pack
- Kevlar helmet
- M16A2 assault rifle
- Army Values poster, with simulated signature!

But you'd better believe that's not all! The following keen accessory kits for your Ultimate Kirt will be available in the coming months:

Ultimate Kirt CAP playset
- Blue uniforms (perfect for visiting Congress)
- Patrol cap with nametape
- Prototype Army rucksack (complete with price tag)
- Sundry after-market snivel gear (LBT or Blackhawk)
- Metallica CD

Ultimate Kirt 3rd Infantry (Old Guard) playset
- Dress blues with cover
- Leather shoes with metal tap plates
- Sunglasses
- M-14 rifle with bayonet
- Ugly Tomb Guard breast badge

Ultimate Kirt Boz playset
- M-249 SAW w/200 round ammo packs
- 100mph tape 3-point sling for M-16A2
- AN/PVS-6 Night vision devices
- PT clothing
- Cigars
- Black watch-cap
- 1000-yard stare

Ultimate Kirt FL Wing CAC playset
- Short-sleeve blue shirt
- Big, ugly infantry cord
- Tiny white CAC ribbon (with dirty edges)
- Full bladder
- 1000-yard stare

Coming Soon!  Ultimate Kirt with VoiceCommand!
Hear these exicting phrases:
 - "You! Git yer hand off my pound cake!"
 - "Like the patch?  Do pushups!"
 - "Got the thousand yard stare.. Didn't get it in Boz though.."
 - "Nice rucksack.. does that come in men's sizes?"
 - "Tasty brie.. Now get yourself some."
 - "Hey you, that rucksack ain't gonna carry itself"